And, The Wiener Is…

Lonnie launches Henry

Lonnie launches Henry

Lonnie and his second wiener, Chloe

Lonnie and his second wiener, Chloe

Lonnie explains why his wiener isn't a winner!

Lonnie explains why his wiener isn’t a winner!

In our last blog post, we told you that we would have pictures of Lonnie Schuyler (organizer of The Snake Alley Festival of Film) doing strange things with his wiener. We also said that it would be family friendly and would make your kids bug you to take them to the film fest. As promised, here it is.
The first picture is Lonnie trying to launch Henry (his wiener) at the starting line of Burlington’s Annual Wiener Dog Races. As you can tell by his expression, (Lonnie’s expression, not the dog’s) this is a big deal to him. Henry, on the other hand, is looking to his right and thinking, “How can I get away from this lunatic?”

In the second picture, Lonnie is launching Chloe, his other wiener. (Yes, Lonnie has two wieners. I told you he was weird.) He handles her a bit more delicately because she’s a girl, after all. And she leaks on occasion, hence the stiff-arm launch technique.

The third photo is Lonnie explaining to Brian Hopkins that they could have been a contender “if the damn dog would’ve run straight.”

What, you ask, does this have to do with The Snake Alley festival of Film? The Wiener Races are held on the last day of the fest right around the corner from the theater. This is part of Cynapalooza, a family-themed street carnival near the theater. Your whole family will love it, and you get to kill two birds with one trip.
And, yes the models will be helping out at the wiener races, too. Also, Lonnie has added a third wiener, making him even weirder.


Holy Pulchritude, Batman! Movies and Models and Munchies and More!

Models and more!

Models and more!

The Mighty Munchie Brigade

The Mighty Munchie Brigade

Oh those O'Cyn girls!

Oh those O’Cyn girls!

So you’ve figured out what pulchritude means and now you want proof! Jeez…as if the pictures we’ve already posted aren’t enough.
Okay! You asked for it…you got it! Many of the ladies you see above are what are known locally as O’Cyn’s Girls. (I didn’t say “go sin girls” so don’t get your shorts in a wad.) In fact, the original O’Cyn is in these photos. And these are just a few of the O’Cyn girls who will be helping out again this year…plus we’ve added a new crop as well. (What? You thought there wouldn’t be any more farm jokes?) This IS Iowa after all Cupcake.

Speaking of Iowa, and specifically, Burlington, Iowa—you do realize that the deadline is fast approaching to get your entries into The Snake Alley Festival of Film. Don’t wait too long. You might get shut out. Just remember, there is more to this film fest than meets the eye.

You will see things here that are never seen anywhere else on Planet Earth! (Or any other planet for that matter.)

For example, in our next post we’ll feature a picture of Lonnie Schuyler (the film fest organizer) doing strange things with his wiener. In the photo we’ll be posting, it looks like he’s abusing his wiener but he’s not. And this picture will be rated PG—and Family Friendly. In fact, you might want to show it to your kids. That way they’ll start bugging you about going to the film fest.

Intrigued? Stay tuned for our next post. Same Bat-Time! Same Bat-Channel!

Don’t Lose Heart!

Mike Roberson and friend
“Mike Roberson and friend”

Phil Pool with Camera
“Phil Pool with Camera”

Brandy Schwartz and friend
“Brandy Schwartz and friend”

Don’t Lose Heart!
OK! So you blew it on Valentine’s Day and didn’t get her the all-access pass to the Snake Alley Festival of Film. Plus, you dedicated your short film about over indulgence, entitled “The Girl Who Ate Chicago” especially to her. She didn’t appreciate it. And now she says she never wants to see you again.
Before you go all Gloomy Gus and down in the dumps on us…consider this! You’re FREE! Any girl who wouldn’t appreciate a dedication like that is too high-maintenance anyway. As the man said, “There are plenty of fish in the sea!” and there will be plenty of beautiful women at The 2nd Annual Snake Alley Festival of Film.
If you are following this blog and looking at the pictures, you must have noticed that Burlington was inundated with feminine pulchritude! (Look it up, Sunshine.)
Most of the girls in these pictures are corn-fed, home-grown, down-to-earth, Iowa girls. Many of them model for a shop in town called Original Cyn’s. The rest of the time they are students at the University of Iowa, Iowa State, and other schools. Beauty, brains, and the ability to shuck corn. What more could you ask for?
And speaking of pictures, the official photographers for the film fest are Brandi Schwartz at , Mike Roberson at and Phil Pool’s Omni Photo at
They did a wonderful job of capturing the candid moments last year and we look forward to more such moments this year. (I guess that’s why that show was called “Candid Camera.) If you need a photographer, these are the folks to call.

You Blew It! Now What?

Amy and her Valentine!

Amy and her Valentine!

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and YOU forgot to order something for that special someone in your life. It’s too late for flowers…they’re all sold out.
You can’t afford jewelry…and every restaurant is booked.
YOU are so dead! Or are you? We here at the Snake Alley Festival of Film, we feel your pain. In fact, we’ve come up with some solutions for you. Try these and you’ll be out of the doghouse and onto a pedestal. (Well, maybe not. But at least you won’t be treated like a pariah.)

If you’re a filmmaker, dedicate your entry to the love of your life. Then get your tickets to come to The 2nd Annual Snake Alley Festival of Film. Imagine the look of pure adoration you’ll get when she’s watching a film made in her honor while on a mini vacation to beautiful Burlington, Iowa in June.

But what if you’re not a filmmaker? Well Sparky, we’ve thought of you, too. Get her (and yourself, of course) an all access pass to all of the events at this guaranteed-good-time film festival. (Original movies, food, fun and parties. What’s not to love?)

See there! Problem solved. And you thought it was hopeless.

Speaking of sweethearts, our press liaison for filmmakers is Amy Walsh. She will handle all media interviews for filmmakers who are entered in the fest. So, if you want to be on the radio, in the papers, and maybe on TV, she’s the lady to call. Her contact info is 319-572-0546 or you can email her

By the way, the guy in the picture with her is her husband. And, yes, he IS that big!

“Dude! You Can’t Handle Snake Alley!”

"The party never stops at The Snake Alley Festival of Film."

“The party never stops at The Snake Alley Festival of Film.”

"It's a tough climb up Snake Alley.."

“It’s a tough climb up Snake Alley..”

That gauntlet gets thrown down to amateur and professional bicycle racers who come to Burlington, Iowa to compete in the Snake Alley Criterium. Imagine pedaling up Snake Alley with its 12.5 % grade. It’s considered one of the most physically challenging streets in the Midwest.
You’re such a lucky devil. You won’t have to climb it (unless you want to) when you come to the 2nd Annual Snake Alley Festival of Film. You can take the tour of Burlington that comes as part of the package. It stops at the top of Snake Alley (and you can walk DOWN) and stops again at the bottom (where they’ll pick you up). You can use your imagination to get a sense of what those poor souls on bicycles must feel.
Instead…you’ll be sitting in the air-conditioned Capitol Theatre watching some of the most amazing talent on Planet Earth. Following that, you’ll go to one of the fabulous “After Parties” and mingle with film makers, film buffs, writers, and actors. Last year the “Original After Parties” spawned “After, After Parties,” which went on into the wee hours. These were so popular that the musicians from the original parties followed the crowd. It was a late–night movable feast, or party, depending on your perspective. (We saw people dancing in the streets.)
After you’ve enjoyed The Snake Alley Festival of Film, the tours, and the After Parties, you can say with conviction, “Dude! I handled Snake Alley just fine!” Just don’t tell them it wasn’t on a bicycle.
On a side note, the judges have started reviewing some of the early entries. They weren’t expecting anything to be able to top last year’s talent, but now they aren’t so sure. There are some amazing films coming in.
If you think you can handle Snake Alley, we’ll see you there.

How Much Wood Would A Woodchuck Chuck?

536081_476782242338176_302552757_nEverybody remembers that old poem about woodchucks. But what most of you don’t realize is that a woodchuck and a groundhog are pretty much the same critter. It just depends on where you live. And with Saturday being Groundhog Day, we thought it appropriate to bring it up.
Here in Burlington we have woodchucks. (At least that’s what everybody calls them.) Ours are a little smarter than that one named Phil in Pennsylvania. Ours know better than to stick their heads up in the dead of winter just to see a shadow.
Ours wait until June to see The Snake Alley Festival of Film. (Actually they come out to hear the live music at the after parties. They’re notorious party animals.)
And of course, this year, we’ve got the Super Bowl right after Groundhog Day…so a nosy little woodchuck might want to see who’s winning. Or make a prediction before the game. In fact I think I hear one giving me a hint, so be very quiet. Sssshh! What’s that? It sounds like he said “Niners” or was it “Nevermore?”
FYI—the name Woodchuck has nothing to do with wood. It was adapted from what the Algonquin Indians called these creatures…”Wuchak.” So when you’re here for the Snake Alley Festival of Film in June, say hi to “Wuchak.” Just don’t ask him to “chuck wood.”